Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
