im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
