he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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