so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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