Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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