it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
