Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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