i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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