Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he fucked my hip out of place.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
