Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
