my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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