guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
tell me about the eggs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize