I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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