I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
