Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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