Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
