Already got asked if we're dating
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
