You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
