so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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