you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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