Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
