I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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