Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
