My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
