U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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