cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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