Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
