During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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