i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize