oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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