how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Your topless pictures make me question reality
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
