so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
