The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
