I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
