I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
