I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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