I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
