Will you blow on my dice?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize