The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize