halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
