i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
