i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
