Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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