You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
