Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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