btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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