we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
