i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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