so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
