Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
