well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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