I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
