a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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