My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
