Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
