remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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