I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
