please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
