I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
