i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize