His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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