So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
