I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
