I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You need a sexual gate keeper
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
