uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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