Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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