I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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