i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
