Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
