I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just google imaged poop.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
