At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
