Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
