I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize